Chapter 1
Introduction
What’s your favorite hamburger memory?
More than likely, this is a different answer than what’s the best burger you’ve ever eaten.
I’ve eaten many great burgers in some fancy-as-hell restaurants, but none of them arise to being my favorite hamburger memory. Noshing on a Wagyu burger with caramelized onions and tarragon aioli might tease my taste buds, but it’ll never become a special remembrance solely on flavor. Eating that wonderful concoction while overlooking a magnificent city might add some flair to the moment, but it won’t make it impactful enough for a lifelong memory.
Had it, I would remember—and I don’t.
So, what makes for a favorite hamburger memory?
For me, I think it takes three things—an iconic place, a signature burger, and friends.
The Place
Most American cities have a hamburger institution.
I think a cherished burger joint is an absolute requirement for any city within the United States. Would you want to live where you couldn’t get a tasty burger?
Not me.
John Mellencamp sang about growing up in a small town and that he’d probably die in one, too. The song’s wistfulness was likely because his childhood home didn’t have a decent place to get a hamburger. Oh, there was most certainly a local diner that slapped two slices of toast around an overly well-done slab of ground beef. No matter what our mothers told us, those homespun burgers are not a substitute for the real thing.
In Manhattan Beach, California, the residents cherish Ercole’s.
Visiting Honolulu, Hawaii? Try W&M Bar-BQ Burger.
Making a stop in Cincinnati, Ohio? Head to Zip’s Cafe.
If you ever find yourself in Spokane, Washington, you should take a moment and go to Dick’s Hamburgers.
Dick’s is a funny restaurant. It doesn’t have a drive-through, and there’s no lobby to warm yourself on a cold winter day. In Spokane, where the locals experience four distinct seasons, the outdoor counter is the great equalizer. Regardless of one’s social status, everyone must stand in the elements to order a burger and fries. Nobody is better than anyone else.
Initially founded in 1954 under the name of Kirk’s, it rebranded to Panda Self Service Drive-In Restaurant. It finally changed to its current namesake in 1967 but retained the Panda logo still seen today on the pylon sign.
While I was in high school, Spokane had a fantastic cruising scene. This was the late eighties—years before a group of overzealous cops and frustrated downtown business owners ruined this activity for future generations of kids.
Most nights of cruising were likely filled with loud music, illegally obtained alcohol, and some drama. My friends and I would run over to Dick’s. If we were lucky, we got in. Back then, Friday and Saturday nights were a madhouse for the burger joint. If you didn’t get there early, the parking lot would be packed. Cars would line out onto Third Street.
It seemed that Dick’s Hamburgers was the center of the universe. High school students were there to see friends and maybe meet new ones. College students were there with hopes of reliving a moment of earlier glory. Grown adults stopped in to enjoy a burger and shake. Shifty criminal types placed orders for an affordable meal.
And the cops stopped by because they were human and got hungry, too. Who knew?
For a teenager, dropping into Dick’s was a glimpse into the wonder of life.
The Burger
It seems straightforward that a signature burger must be involved to have a favorite hamburger memory. Maybe it could be a simple sandwich, but it doesn’t seem to have the same appeal as ordering something special.
Every burger joint has a signature sandwich. Just naming the big three will prove you know their sandwiches.
McDonald’s—the Big Mac.
Burger King—the Whopper.
Wendy’s—the Baconator.
I don’t know if the Baconator is truly Wendy’s signature sandwich, but you’ve got to love the name of that burger. Unless you’re a vegan, of course, but those people don’t count. We’re talking about favorite hamburger memories here. If we were talking about our favorite broccoli memories, well, then we would need our heads examined.
Much like a vegan.
Anyway, the signature sandwich of Dick’s Hamburgers is the Whammy—two patties and two slices of cheese. Almost anyone who has grown up in or around Spokane has had at least one.
The Whammy is a damn good sandwich and can be had at an amazing price. In fact, the entire menu is ridiculously affordable. That’s one of the things that attracts so many people to Dick’s—the cheap eats.
Not only could you get a sandwich for some pocket change, but you are encouraged to order many of them. Under the store’s logo on the massive pylon sign are the words Hamburgers/Buy the Bagfull (sic).
Somewhere along the line, the joke about getting a bagful of Dick’s was made among my friends. I’m sure we weren’t original among the locals, and this was long before I ever heard the term used as an insult on national media.
Back in high school, we snickered any time one of us said, “Let’s get a bag of Dick’s.” It’s no secret, but teenage boys giggle over the stupidest things. Someone in the group invariably tittered about “eating some Dick’s” anytime a burger was suggested.
Somewhere in the late nineties to early aughts, the phrase, “Eat a bag of dicks” became an insult. It popped up all over the internet, in movies, and even in late-night talk show monologues. Jimmy Kimmel once made a joke about “Eating a bag of Dick’s” in reference to Dick’s Drive-In, an unaffiliated burger chain in Seattle.
But that never stopped the Whammy from being a damn good burger.
The Friends
The final piece of the puzzle to any great burger memory is friends. I’ll forever have wonderful memories of Dick’s with my high school buddies. Sometimes we hung out and ate in whosever car we arrived in. Other times, we sat at one of the available outdoor tables. More than likely, though, we drove around and ate our sandwiches. That’s what you do when you’re a teenager.
It’s been a while since I’ve hung out at Dick’s with my friends. So, that’s the motivation behind this anthology. I invited some new friends to play in my fictional world of the 509. Most of them have never been to Dick’s, but they all have a favorite burger joint of their own.
The stories in this anthology are linked by a single event that sends their protagonists off in wild directions. The tales are as diverse as the participating authors. Some are funny, some are serious, and some are weird.
Enjoy them one at a time or gobble them up by the bagful.
Colin Conway
Winter 2021
Spokane, Washington
